The New Dick Figure, Season 1
by Alpha-Lonewolf
Summary: A new character enters the Dick Figure universe. More about this story in the Author's Note
1. Before we begin

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**These are a series of Fanon episode, as I like to call them, about a new character named Wolf and his other friends as they go though the normal everyday life of the Dick Figure universe. Wolf is a controlled psychopathic killer. He kills for pleasure and fun as well as plays pranks and jokes on others either friend or foe. That is a brief sum up of him. Later you will get to know more about his other friends if this story series becomes popular by reviews and Followers after the first episode I post.**

**Please note that there will be much violence, swearing, and sexual content. That is how Dick Figures rolls and I love the show for it. also that in these stories, characters respawn in the next episode. Watch the Youtube series to understand it more.**


	2. Gun Hoe

**THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF WOLF'S STORY AND ADVENTURES THROUGH TH DICK FIGURE UNIVERSE. REMEMBER THESE ARE ONLY CERTAIN EVENTS AND ARE NOT FOLLOWED AFTER ANOTHER.**

**I do not own the Dick Figures or the original cast.**

**GUN HOE**

Red and Blue were wandering the slum streets in a run down neighborhood trying to find their way back to their apartment. Red led the way which he thought was the right way home. Blue was very much doubting his directions.

"Shouldn't be longer." Red said observing his surroundings.

Blue was getting fed up with Red's lack of knowledge on the way home, "You asshole we've been walking this block for the fifth time."

"How can you tell?" Red asked clueless.

"Because we've been on the same sidewalk without crossing a street you retard!" Blue pointed out shouting angrily.

Turns out that they have indeed been around the same block for over five hours.

"Cuz the apartments on a sidewalk beeatch." Red saying as if he was right on the direction they were walking on.

"There are a million sidewalks everywhere!" Blue yelled frustrated with Red's stupidity.

"Oh! So that's why people don't get lost." Red said in finally realizing the obvious.

A crashing trash can sound echoes in a dark alleyway. Just then a bunch of street gangsters come out from the shadows of the street and surround Red and Blue.

"Oh. Oh God!" Blue starts to panic at their situation.

"Who are these pussies?" Red asked defiantly.

Blue tries to keep Red quiet and avoid any hostility, "Shut up fuck-tard! Listen we don't want any trouble, we just want to get home."

"You're on our turf bitches. This is S.A. territory man." one of the gangsters says.

Blue still tries to talk their way out of it, "Sorry we didn't know."

"Shit your territory looks like pony shit barf." Red remarks plainly.

"Red!" Blue pleads.

The gangsters start pulling out weapons, "What you say bitch?!"

"Oh God! Wait don't listen to him, he doesn't know any better!" Blue quickly apologizes.

The gangsters ready their weapons and ignore Blue's apology, "Now it's time to pay with your lives."

Red gets into his fighting stance, "Try and kill us if you can? Blue I got these five, you get the other fifteen."

"WHAT!" Blue exclaims

"Waste them!" The lead gangster shouts.

Red begins to take down the five gangsters while the other fifteen are about to kill Blue as he trips back and braces for the attack. But then, the fifteen gangsters are mowed down by a chain of rapid fire from the right.

Some of them have their heads blown off, some are cut in half, and the rest get their limbs blown off. Blue opens his eyes to see a surviving gangster trying to escape, but then gets a clean shot to the head making a whole in the center in the face.

Blue crawls back up after everything calms down, "What the hell just happened?"

A forest green person burst out of a broken door and holds a 50 caliber sniper rifle at Blue's face. "Put your hands up before I blow a fuckin' whole in your head like the size of your mama's ass!"

Blue startspanicking as he looks at the rifle's barrel, "Oh dear God no. Please have mercy.

"Mercy is a name of a pussy." retorts and presses the rifle further against Blue's head.

Red Then jump in, "Hey puss face. No one shoots Blue in the face but me!"

"What?!" Blue says offended and shocked.

The stranger observes the two guys and lowers his rifle, "Well I guess you fags aren't what I'm looking for.

"Wait you were hunting down those thugs?" Blue asked.

The stranger rolls his eyes, "Yeah, I'm on a killing spree till I find the gang's leader."

Red perks up at hearing the little task, "Well why didn't you say so? Let's go hunt some chicken shit cock… wait what do they have of value?"

"Not much, a little money maybe." the stranger says with a mischievous smirk.

Red then gets disappointed, "What?! Is that all? Man let get out of…"

The stranger tosses Red a sniper rifle, "You can use this fifty cal Sniper?"

Red gasps in excitement,_ "_Sick!"

Blue turn completely against Red having such a powerful weapon, "Wait don't give him that, you don't know what he might…"

The stranger begins to pull guns out of his pocket. Hand guns, UZIs, shot gun, desert eagle, AK-47, M-240, and a AT4, "Or you can have one of these or this or this or these or a couple of these…"

Blue stands shocked at what just happened, "Oh My God! How and where did you get these!?"

Red throws an AK-47 at Blue, "Who cares! Now shut your face and lets go!"

"First lets interrogate one of these shit cocks, the stranger advises and looks around for a survivor, "Or at least one that's alive."

Oh well looks like no ones alive," not too soon after, a groan escapes one of the shot gangsters"God damn it!" Blue grunts.

Red turns him over and places a gun to his head and speaks in a deeper voice,_ "_Tell me where you leader is or else I'm gonna turn your face into a butt hole."

The gangster panics, "Please, please, don't kill me have mercy!"

"My cock shows no mercy, why should I?" Red says and locks the hammer to the gun back.

Later the three come in front of an abandoned house.

"Really did you have to shoot him in the face after he told us everything?" Blue chewed out.

"He could have ran back here and warned them all." Red justified himself.

"With one leg?" Blue deadpanned.

"Remember shoot first and shoot them again later." The stranger ordered.

"um don't you mean ask questions later?" asked Blue.

"hmm, never heard that before." the stranger remarked

"That sounds like the perfect plan." Red agreed

"Of course you would think that." Blue commented not at surprised.

Forest Green kicks down the door and the three of them burst inside to find the street gang throwing a birthday party for the street artists.

"Wait what is this?" Blue asked confused.

The Brown Street Artist noticed the intrusion, "Yo what you doin' at our party man?"

The Yellow Street Artist spoke after, "Si Taco, we, the Street Artist Gang, never sent you putos any invitations."

"Well here's a present for ya anyways," he says before pulls out a 50 caliber machine gun, "A whole linked chain of them. Gun Hoe!

Red, Blue, and the stranger unleash a spray of deadly accuracy across the room. Red pulls two grenades out of stranger's pockets.

"Whoa no way! Sticky bombs!" Red shouted excitedly.

Blue is still shocked that so many weapons are coming out of small pockets, "How the…"

Red throws them at two gang members, the first one stuck to his head and the camera moves to the next gang member before it shows the head blow up and the second sticky bomb lands on the second gang member's crotch as the scene moves back to the three shooters just staring at the gang member before it blows up

A voice from across the room, "Noooo! Not the pepper sack!"

An explosion goes off and Red and the stranger stare slightly in shock, while Blue is about to pukefrom the sight.

"Hot tamales!" Red cheers, "Oh yeah back to shooting._"_

The shoot out continues until soon the Red, Blue, and the stranger kill the gang and corner the street artists in a corner.

"No wait, here take the jalapeño cake." the Brown Street Artist pleads.

The Yellow Street Artist makes an offer out of desperation, "Si, take all the piñatas too."

The stranger thinks for a moment,_ "_Got any burritos?"

The Yellow Street Artist shakes his head, "We ate them all."

"What?! All this for burritos?!" Blue says outraged.

Red is shocked as his eyes start to water, "You… You monsters! Kill them!"

Red and Forest Green unleash the rest of their ammo on the street artist as Blue watches in horror.

Red kicks them one last time,_ "_Burritos… you have been avenged."

"WHAT THE FUCK! You killed them for burritos!?" Blue shouts throwing his arms in the air.

"Nah. I just wanted to kill them for the heck of it." the stranger calmly answers with a satisfied grin.

Blue is ashamed, "Oh my God. What have I done?"

"Whoo! We got to do this more often." Red advised.

"We are not doing this again." Blue said sternly.

Red ignores Blue, "Dude what is your number so we can do this again?"

"Didn't you just hear me?!" Growing annoyed that no one is listening.

The strangwe also ignored Blue as well, "Here it is. Next time you pick the person next to kill."

"Isn't anyone listening to me!?" Blue yelled out loud trying to be heard

Red continues ignoring Blue, "Alright! Say, who you is?"

"Ahh fuck it." said Blue finally giving up.

"Names Wolf." said the stranger.

"That's it I'm staying at Pink's for the week." Blue said as he started to head home.

"Awesome! We can plan our next killing spree there." Red said

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed out Blue.

**AND SO IT BEGINS. MANY MORE ADVENTURES OF RANDOM STUPIDITY AND VIOLENCE WILL CONTINUE. THAT IS IF THIS STORY GETS GOOD REVIEWS**


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